Here is every Dr Van Keudejap episode (so far) in a still-organic state but in a more coherent form than originally posted on Troglodyte Mignon. The inventor supreme lives forever.
—–”Dr. Van Keudejap’s Sketchy Story”—–
(click on each for bigger version)
Dr. Van Keudejap is working on the cure – Above: Dr. Van Keudejap working round the clock on his much-copied perpetual motion uber machine. Even though modern-day human history commentators will disingenuously point to his nearly prodigious porto wine ingestion during his intensive search for the solution to the free energy problem, it definitely turned out to be the catalyst that did, at last, bring upon survival for our then-condemned wretched race on the face of this lonely planet.
Harsh times for the idiot savants – Another turning point in Dr. Keudejap’s desperate quest for meaning came when he met a quite illustrious bison lard merchant who seemed interested in helping him launch his latest innovation, the ”personal padlock”. The man wasn’t much impressed with it, especially since he had previously examined Professor Crossman’s newest ”Precious-Fancies Safety Box” and decided to invest in it instead.
If only that foolish merchant knew! It really was Keudejap who had invented both safety contraptions but he decided to give up the safe patent to Crossman since ”that evil box is something unholy only the wretched parasitic wealthmongers of this miserable unjust world would really enjoy” and since ”the poor could afford the padlock better”.
Yet again… out of stupid, senseless idealism, he had lost millions.
(in homage to Fantin-Latour – trog)
Tragiromantic longings – As a pillar of the elite of the scientific community of his time Dr. Van Keudejap couldn’t be bothered with the intellect-draining and fluid-stealing frivolous shenanigans usually associated with consorting with the fairer sex.
When at times he felt the bottom of his trousers getting slightly more constricting he usually paid a visit to his favorite lady in the part of town where he seldom ventured but to savor such carnal delights (or, sometimes, to buy rare ”periodic table” vellum charts). The lady paid little attention to our protagonist other than the kind her sinful business called for in exchange for material favors. Dr. Van Keudejap was desperately in love with her.
Instruments of meat destruction – His scummy, dissolute lifestyle (if only his arch-genius colleagues in the invention business knew!) did once leave him with a few unwanted itches.
He went to Dr. Pørbjorn, an eminent health doctor who had just took up full-time medical practice after successful stints at the hot blood sausage cart his father manned, then in an authentic meat store. Unfortunately he was suffering from extreme withdrawal shakes that morning, making this a visit Dr. Keudejap’s unmentionables would never forget.
Alone on the path to perfection – Very often Dr. Keudejap wandered far away from our measly thought shores and entered the throes of despair only to splendidly emerge anew from stupor – just like a precious budding blossom out of a rare orchid – vehemently asking for more liquor. This particular time he was alone.
Nosy Ozzy clears his mind with hand rolled smoothness and meets Dr Van Keudejap – Nothing pleases 9-year-old Nosy Ozzy more than a hand-rolled cigarette before his 11-hour shift as a successful senior paperboy. Its naturally smooth toasted taste helps him relax and clears his busy mind, making him forget the worries from his brutally miserable life. Especially after a long night spent getting drunk, playing cards and chasing women.
Such unholy carrousing was ironically familiar to the smelly old guy sitting next to him, who unbeknownst to him was the greatest genius Earth had ever known, reduced to play accordion in the street for added monies and publicity.
Windy day – Picking posies with Miss Rosie / Nosy Ozzy saw a new flower.
Fire of my robotic loins. Being endowed with astounding brain capacity didn’t prevent Dr. Van Keudejap from also owning a heart of gold. This is why he decided to dedicate an earlier technical innovation (the ”silent practical-use womanoid”) to his new little friend Nosy Ozzy. He transformed it into a substitute robo-mommy, and now the destitute little boy could sleep on a warm feminine lap during his lonelier nights.
Unfortunately Dr. Van Keudejap certainly could not predict that Nosy Ozzy had slight bed-wetting troubles from time to time. The last moist incident caused a massive short-circuit inside the womanoid and started the gigantic fire that would eventually burn the whole shop down.